we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
