I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
