I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
