how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
