i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
