That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
