that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
