I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
