Are we in a gay sports bar?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
