My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
