hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize