Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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