yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
