people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
PANTIES FOUND
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
