tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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