"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
