I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
