We won't sleep together?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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