I'm so fucking centered right now
She said her name was "party"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is the high leading the old right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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