Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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