his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
