This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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