Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
