When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
