What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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