By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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