apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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