strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
