dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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