It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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