when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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