I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
