It's like a parade of train wrecks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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