Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
