We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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