matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize