It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
