I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
