Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
