You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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