Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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