She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
