the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
