he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
