i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
