i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
