the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
