afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
