Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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