the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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