I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
