Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
