and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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