Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize