I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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