I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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