My room smells like vodka and shame
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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