I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
