Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
