the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
