That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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