i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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