my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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