I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
