Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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