laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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